Banner Photo by Brad Steels
With thanks to 12153 Pete Barber
Thursday is the cruellest day. And Thursday morning the cruellest part of the cruellest day. So thought we first year Frigateers at least. And for nobody was it more cruel than it was for “Admiral” Sid Allison.
Missing breakfast before the Thursday morning D/Cdts parade was a non-starter. Keeling over on parade if you had missed breakfast was serious misconduct, not to mention the potential for lost teeth and hoisting yourself on your own bayonet. So this meant doubling over to the dining hall across the parade square – actually a rectangle - from the Stone Boat at an ungodly hour, a hazardous venture at the best of times but no more so than when clad in cleated parade boots, a vital time-saving measure to ensure getting fully kitted and out on the square in time for the parade. Skittering might be a more apt description than doubling.
Scoffing brekkie as quickly as possible, then skittering the 185 yards back to the Frigate belching French Toast and bad syrup all the way. Into 4’s, rifle assembled, gaiters barely secured and out on the square formed up by 06:55, rooms left in passable condition with socks smiling in the drawers, shavings cleaned out of the sink, and windows facing Navy Bay opened one bayonet-length.
The desperate hope was the parade would be done no later than 07:45. This would provide just enough time to get changed, secure the rifle, tidy the room, and double over to the Currie Hall entrance for the most-dreaded part of the morning: Lieutenant-Commander (Retired) Hicks’ - aka Cap’n Crunch – computer science class in Mackenzie (MK) Room 250.
The class started at 08:00:00. And we were soon to learn what 08:00:00 meant. Especially Admiral Sid. Having the misfortune of a surname whose first letter was at the top of the alphabetical ladder, Cap’n Crunch duly appointed the Admiral as class senior. His duties included a comprehensive attendance report at 08:00:15. This was a challenge considering the class comprised about 60 of us drawn from all of the squadrons plus a sprinkling of UTPMs. All of us – except maybe Dwight - struggled to get to class on time after the dreaded D/Cdts parade.
Cap’n Crunch was a retired submarine commander. Seconds early or late meant life or death to him, and it was his mission to inculcate that message in a bunch of slack-ass 18 and 19 year-old officer cadets. He could be seen striding down the hallway towards the classroom, his left arm bent at the elbow while he looked at his trusty chronometer to time his entry into the classroom at precisely 08:00:00. “Mr. Allison, report attendance!” he thundered.
“All 60 officer cadets and 3 UTPMs present and accounted for Sir!” Poor Admiral Sid. Invariably some slacker, most likely from 5 Squadron, would wander in looking dazed and confused at 08:01:00.
“Put that man on charge Mr. Allison for being late, and put yourself on charge for an inaccurate report.”
On one particularly memorable occasion, Admiral Sid himself was cutting his own attendance a bit fine. He found himself approaching the classroom door with mere seconds to spare when he noticed Cap’n Crunch approaching from behind. Thinking quickly, Admiral Sid opened the classroom door for the feared instructor. Cap’n Crunch entered the room at 08:00:00 followed by Admiral Sid at approximately 08:00:02. “You’re late Mr. Allison. Put yourself on charge!”
If memory serves, Admiral Sid duly reported these severe transgressions to our CFL, Joe King. Much bemused by Admiral Sid being the butt of this tradition, I believe Joe delivered a lecture about the importance of being on time, but not a single circle was imposed nor was a charge parade ever initiated. And through it all, Admiral Sid maintained his characteristic unphased “what, me worry?” attitude.
Intelligence later gleaned from local Kingston sources was that in his regular gig as a high school math teacher, Cap’n Crunch was a kind, inspiring and gentle teacher much loved by his students. Maybe those high school students were always on time.
